A Letter To Myself: How COVID-19 Has Changed My Prospective + Behaviors

This is Some F*cked Up Sh*t!

Excuse me for being blunt but, this is truly a f*cked up time. I live my life believing nothing happens without reason. This lesson though…I have to say the Universe is kind of being a b*tch. However, I also must admit, having time to be able to reflect during the chaos has been a blessing. Truthfully, COVID-19 is a total mindf*ck! The virus has swiftly been taking human life and destroying the lives of many. Yet, despite the fears, the anger, and grief, COVID-19 has also been profoundly unifying.

COVID-19 the Destroyer or the Unifier?

It is as if the Universe is beckoning us to once again get beyond our differences. To move beyond the greed, power, and desire for ultimate control. The Universe is begging for us to unite as a collected Planet; together as one. Understanding the grim reality. Without the help and cooperation of everyone, COVID-19 will take far more than we could ever imagine. Whereas, if we work together, get beyond ourselves, and consider the health of everyone, we can fight against it.

How to Heal Together

No one could have ever predicted anything like this. (Well, Bill Gates did, but I digress). Of course no one individual is to blame. There is no one to punish and no one to point a finger at. However, in order to heal our Planet, it is important for everyone to reflect on their own habits and behaviors. Good and bad habits. How do you contribute to the Planet? What needs to change? How can you grow? How will you adapt?

The reality is, the Planet will be very different place once we emerge from the COVID-19 smoke. Restructuring and changes are inevitable. Obviously, the Universe has taken some drastic steps to communicate with us. She is screaming that things need to change. She is making it clear that she is in complete control. The Universe has been speaking for decades, we just haven’t been listening. Well, I am listening, and I have reflected on plenty of habits I personally need to adjust as a living being on this Planet.

Therefore, I am putting my words and intentions into the Universe in order to start the healing process. Might seem weird to some, but it feels right to me. So, here is my letter to you.

Dear Universe,

I would like to start by saying thank you. Thank you for my health and the health of my loved ones. Also, thank you for providing me with time. Time that my body, mind and Spirit has desperately been needed. Yes, I am filled with fears and anxieties about the future, but I am grateful to be able to rest and restore in this moment. Even in the midst of this current chaos.

For days, I rebelled against the inevitable. I didn’t want to lose control and I feared all of the unknowns. Time and rest has allowed me to connect back to your Universal energies, so that I could realign my Spirit to faith and trust. I finally released the endless questions spinning through my mind. I have been able to calm my nerves, and cope with the reality that I don’t know when, or if this will ever get better. My spinning mind and anxieties will not aid in this fight. Instead, time has allowed me to completely surrender. I am ok. My loved ones are ok. This is the present moment, and it is all ok.

“My spinning mind and anxieties will not aid in this fight.”

To begin healing, I need to stop wallowing in my own personal sh*t. After honest self reflection, I realized I complain a lot. What’s worse is that many of my daily complaints are super minor and meaningless. I am so sorry for constantly complaining that I am tired, or that I am annoyed that my toddler won’t ever sleep past 6:30am. I apologize for being annoyed that I had to close up my acupuncture practice, and that I even considered treating through the early stages of this pandemic. That was crazy irresponsible of me, selfish, and also utterly ridiculous! I promise to always consider the health and well-being of myself, family, co-workers, community, and Planet going forward.

I am deeply sorry for constantly trying to take control from you. What can I say? I am a Type A control f*cking freak and yes, I know it is irritating to everyone around me. Please know it has my undivided attention and I will continue to work on this. I understand I am only a speck within this Universe. Most importantly, I know the world does not revolve around me. Please be patient with me as I try and release all of my fears. For I understand, my need for control is only due to underlying fears that I simply have not released. I am still trying to figure them all out, and I appreciate your understanding.

I understand I am only a speck within this Universe. Most importantly, I know the world does not revolve around me.

My deepest regrets for not being more proactive when it comes to the environment. After seeing the waters in Venice clear, and global pollution levels decrease, I know every little bit helps. Sorry for feeling my household recycling was insignificant and for being lax from time to time. It was a dick move and going forward I will continue to do my part in nourishing Mother Earth. Forgive me, I lost my connection to your true beauty. Being “busy” is no excuse for becoming complacent when it comes to nourishing your health. For when you are healthy, we all are healthy.

Lastly, I regret getting caught up in the hustle and for not living in the moment each and every day. It can be challenging to ground myself day to day. However, moving forward I will strive to be in the present moment and enjoy all of your little blessings. It is true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You can count on me to try and find beauty during each moment of this lifetime.

No more meaningless complaints and no more losing my head because I am not in control. All we can do is continue to work on ourselves. Work to be the best person we can be for our loved ones, for our community, for ourselves, and for the Universe. If I do my part, I am hopeful others will follow. Honest reflection and personal development is never easy, but I am completely open to all the changes that are inevitable. Personal and universal changes. Normally changes would spark fear, instead I am welcoming them, and leaving all my bad habits behind me. I look forward with hope and with fresh eyes.

With Love + F*cking Light
Sara K.

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