Do You Want to Be a Mother or Have a Baby? There’s a Difference…
Why do you want to be a mother? Sure, it is an odd question, but if a baby has been a conflicting thought on your mind, I encourage you to think about what your emotional connection to motherhood is. Sometimes we strive to do things simply because we feel it’s something we’re “supposed” to do, or something that just “comes next.” You’ve been married a year, bought a house, and just got that big raise at work. Sure these are all reasons why you could have a baby, but are they really why you should? As an acupuncturist, I see it constantly; modern women, struggling through conflicting ideals of motherhood. Todays Woman is facing a constant barrage of societal pressures, suffocating individuality in an attempt to conform and meet up to ever increasing expectations of 21st century motherhood.
Birth Rate in Decline
Let’s be real and talk 2019, the voice for women’s rights and the demand for gender equality is louder than ever. Women are stronger, are on the cover of Forbes, and are taking over the House of Representatives. What up AOC?! Recent studies have shown that women are choosing their careers over having a family. Just last year alone, the U.S. birth rate dropped to its lowest level in the past 32 years. Yet, the endless pressures from society, and judgment about being that woman who doesn’t want a baby remain. A woman in her 30s who hasn’t had a baby is automatically labelled cold, selfish, lonely and sad, or even infertile. Yes, Jen Aniston, I am looking at you girl! What the f*ck? Flip the script, a man in his 30’s is just a sexy bachelor. Please excuse me as I dramatically roll my eyes. These standards are so exhausting and frankly annoying. Let’s take the feminine movement we are currently experiencing into consideration. Why is it so far-fetched to ask yourself if motherhood is really something you want, or if it is only something you feel pressured or worse guilted to do?
“A woman in her 30s who hasn’t had a baby is automatically labelled cold, selfish, lonely and sad, or even infertile.”
The Feminine Rhythm
When it comes to this emotional motherhood battle, what has always fascinated me is the birth control pill. For decades women have been silencing their reproductive systems. Without hesitation, women have consumed a daily pill, that literally tricks the body into thinking it is already pregnant (so that ovulation does not occur). We have walked around for years ignoring our body’s natural rhythm. Distancing ourselves from the idea of a baby and motherhood. Instead, adapting to a very energetically masculine society. Then once we start rounding the corner to those “later fertile years” panic sets in; will I regret not having a family? The key is, do all of these women truly want to become mothers or are we simply suffering from FOMO?
What Does Your Heart Say?
At my acupuncture practice, I have found some women struggle to conceive simply because they can not admit to themselves (or their partners), that they like their lives just the way they are. Their heart’s are saying one thing, but society’s gravitational pull is forcing them into another direction. Sometimes the struggle is because you are being energetically blocked from creating something your heart and body just does not want to create. The pressures of not wanting to be seen as a “cold or heartless woman” is overwhelming. So I ask, why should a woman ever feel guilty about loving her life the way that it is? Why is it so f*cked up to believe that not every woman wants to be a mother? With all these pressures, how could a woman not feel conflicted? I promise you are not strange, you are not heartless, and no, you are not alone on this one.
“Why should a woman ever feel guilty about loving her life the way that it is?”
Try to connect to your heart on this one ladies. Your heart is where your Spirit resides, the voice there will never be wrong. If you feel conflicted, admit it without guilt. Lifting the lid off of the pressure cooker might provide some clarity for you. There’s nothing wrong with having a minivan full of children, but there is also nothing wrong with deciding children just are not for you either.